What to Look For

How do you know when a relationship has failed?

I am by no means an expert on relationships. I am only in the middle of my first serious relationship, and it hasn't been particularly noteworthy. In fact, for the last few weeks, I have been trying to figure out whether that relationship is even worth holding onto, yet I don't even know what I'm supposed to consider. At least until today. On my way home from the movies with my boyfriend, I realized exactly what it was about our relationship that was causing me to doubt.

My dad used to work for Bel Air, and he once told me that some of his coworkers never expected to be lifers for a grocery store. They just got complacent. They weren't happy, but the job was too comfortable for them to leave.

A failing relationship is just like that. It's not excellent. It's not amazing. You aren't happy, but the relationship is too comfortable for you to end it. You get lazy and placid. It's not that the relationship is bad, but there's nothing great about it. You get tired of telling people that you're fine, good or okay.

The saying "Love is fickle" is cruel and misleading. Love doesn't change. When you fall in love, you will always have feelings for that person. But relationships revolve around change, and if nothing changes, then something is missing.

Finding the one person that makes you happy is not about finding the perfect man. It's not about finding someone who is exactly like you or the exact opposite of you. A relationship is about finding the person who is different and the same in all the right ways. It's about being with that person that fights with you, and annoys you, and still makes you smile. It's about making every day with someone an adventure, whether it's an adventure in your own home or somewhere far away.

I don't know if I have that with my boyfriend; after all, he is just my high school sweetheart. But on the other hand, I don't know that I don't have that. I don't know if our relationship is failing, but I do know what I'm looking for.